Examining The Empathy Trap Book 9

This is one post in a series about The Empathy Trap Book by Dr Jane McGregor and Tim McGregor. Unless stated otherwise all quotes used here are from that book. It is recommended that the series be read in order from the first post on. 

Next the authors took on a variety of topics including harassment and bullying.

 "Harassment is unwanted conduct which has the purpose or effect of violating an individual's dignity or creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for that individual. Bullying is most often characterized as offensive, intimidating, malicious or insulting behaviour, an abuse or misuse of power through means that undermine, humiliate, denigrate or injure the recipient."

 (page 81)

 "Bullying is often exacerbated by the fact that some of the victim's peers don't want to lose status by associating with him, or are keen to avoid the risks of being bullied themselves, so increasing the isolation of the person on the receiving end."

 (page 82)

 "If you are experiencing harassment or intimidating behaviour yourself, don't ignore it - most of the time it is unlikely to go away without some kind of action. Don't feel it is your fault, or fear being labelled as a 'troublemaker' for bringing it to the attention of other people and the relevant authorities. People who are involved in harassing behaviour often display it as a form of control and 'superiority' over your life; if you ignore it, this may be seen by the sociopath as a means of success." (page 83)

 "Is it ever advisable to tell someone with the notion that they are sociopathic?

We don't advise you to confront someone with the notion that they are sociopathic, narcissistic, or psychopathic, or for that matter borderline, even if you are absolutely certain they exhibit the traits. Even if the person concerned occasionally appears to be aware that she doesn't react like people around her, sociopaths rarely think badly of themselves. They don't have the same emotional attachment to ideas and concepts that 'normal' people do. However, she may know she is different. Being relatively unemotional, she can be fearless. Often sociopaths use this to their advantage, staying calm when others are afraid. Trying to make them feel remorse, guilt or shame is useless and can encourage them to fake feelings, to go along with the game.

Whether someone knows or is informed that they are sociopathic depends a lot upon their social and cultural background. But nowadays, with the advent of the internet and social media, it must be hard for sociopaths not to get wind of the concept of sociopathy or know something of this phenomenon. And their self-absorbed nature makes it highly likely that many of them have read widely on the issue and even diagnosed themselves. " (page 84)

 "Getting over the experience is not always easy. It can be a battle, difficult and discouraging at times. The good news is that the vast majority of us get there in the end - but recovering from the experience often requires us to challenge the perspectives and rules that have sustained our belief systems and the belief systems of those around us." (page 84)

 "Change requires us to actively engage in the process. We have assets, both internal and external, collectively called recovery capital, which support us in dealing with changing circumstances. Every one of us possesses internal reserves of recovery capital that initiate and sustain our own recovery, but sometimes we need a little help in identifying what we've got. Sometimes to aid the process we also need a change in self-perception, or somehow to 'repair' our identity. " (page 85)

 "Sociopaths like playing games with your emotions, and having access to you after a relationship is over is like letting the game continue." (page 89)

 "Do not get into games with the sociopath by entering into dialogue again." (page 89)