This is one post in a series about The Empathy Trap Book by Dr Jane McGregor and Tim McGregor. Unless stated otherwise all quotes used here are from that book. It is recommended that the series be read in order from the first post on.
"Unremitting abuse of other people is an activity of the sociopath that stands out above the rest. To win their games, sociopaths enlist the help of hangers-on, which means that their interactions frequently involve not only the chosen target but a third party we call the apath - we'll explain why below.
The apath
In the context of any sociopathic interaction we call those that collude in the sport of the sociopath apathetic, or 'apaths' for short. An apath is the type of person most likely to do the sociopath's bidding. Being apathetic in this situation means showing a lack of concern or being indifferent to the targeted person. In chapter 3 we highlighted the importance of 'seeing' the problem for what it is via the tale of the Emperor's New Clothes, which represents the collective denial and double standards that are often a feature of social life. The apath in this context is someone who is willing to be blind, i.e. not to see that the Emperor is naked." (page 33)
"Apaths are an integral part of the sociopath's arsenal and contribute to sociopathic abuse; sociopaths have an uncanny knack of knowing who will assist them in bringing down the person they are targeting. It's not necessarily easy to identify an apath from the outside. In other circumstances an apath may show ample empathy and concern for others, just not in this case. The one attribute an apath must have is some connection to the sociopath's target. Hence close friends, siblings, parents and other close relations can become accomplices to the sociopath and be instrumental in the downfall of the targeted individual.
How apaths, who may otherwise be fair-minded people, become involved in such destructive business isn't difficult to understand, though it can be hard to accept. The main qualifying attribute of the apath that renders him a willing accomplice is poor judgement resulting from a lack of insight. This may be linked to reduced empathy for the targeted person. The apathetic person might bear a grudge, be jealous or angry, or have a sense of being let down by the individual concerned, and in consequence may be as keen as the sociopath to see the target defeated. Hence, the apath may be willing to join forces with the sociopath because he too has something to gain from the evolving situation.
At other times the apath doesn't want to see 'bad' in others, so chooses not to see because he has enough on his plate and doesn't possess the wherewithal or the moral courage to help the targeted person at that time. Usually, and whatever the reasons for his active or passive involvement, what happens during the course of interaction with a sociopath is that the apathetic person's conscience appears to fall asleep. Apaths walk in and out of situations in a trance-like state. It is this scenario that causes people blindly to follow leaders motivated only by self-interest. We excuse bullying, outrages, even murder, on the grounds that the leader knows best, regarding the injured and maimed targets not as fellow human beings, but as objects, as 'it'. " (page 34)
I included this extensive excerpt because I felt that the definition of apath is such a new idea and so important to the authors that I would not be thorough enough if I left this out.
The authors described the Milgram obedience experiments and the fact that about sixty percent of people would comply with instructions to apply a series of gradually increasing electrical shocks to another person in a different room as long as they had a man in a lab coat with a clipboard saying the following commands:
'Please continue.'
'The experiment requires that you continue.'
'It is absolutely essential that you continue.'
'You have no other choice, you must go on.'
Yale professor Stanley Milgram carried out the original experiments in 1961 - 1962and the results have been closely duplicated in many other studies by different teams in different countries. Consistently about sixty percent of people would comply with the orders and give what they thought were potentially fatal shocks to another person in a different room.
"In fact the studies suggest that over 60 per cent of us have a tendency to 'follow the leader' whether that leader is malign or benign. Within this majority group lurk the apaths, the foot-soldiers to the sociopath. Apaths are less able to see the situation for what it really is; their view of the bigger picture is obscured by their attitude to and opinion of the target, and by the sociopath's mesmeric influence." ( page 37)
"Apaths are often fearful people; individuals who feel they do not possess the level of skill required to confront a challenge. They are the ones most likely to go with the flow, to agree that the Emperor is wearing new clothes. But apaths may also fail to perceive any threat at all. A danger is of no importance if one denies its existence. An apath's response to a sociopath's call to arms can then result from a state of 'learned helplessness'. Apaths behave defencelessly because they want to avoid unpleasant or harmful circumstances. Apathy is an avoidance strategy."
(page 38)
The authors gave several examples of apaths and it is well worth checking out.
For the sake of brevity I won't include all the examples they gave.
Next the authors took on the subject of empaths.
"The empath
Not always, but quite often, the person being targeted by the sociopath is an empath. To understand why this is, and what is going on when it happens, we first need to understand what an empath is. Most human beings have the ability to empathize, but some have more ability than others. Empathy is a vague and elusive concept."
"Empathy is a shared emotion. To show empathy is emotionally to put yourself in the place of another. It is a learned phenomena that requires emotional control and the capacity to distinguish oneself from others. Most of us possess the automatic ability to perceive and share others' feelings. A baby listening to another baby cry will cry too. Unconsciously people mimic the facial expressions of those they see. The ability to empathize is directly dependent on your ability to feel your own feelings and identify what they are. If you have never felt a certain feeling, it will be hard for you to understand how someone else is experiencing that feeling.
An empath, in the context that we apply the term, is not a person with near magical powers. Empaths are ordinary people who are highly perceptive and insightful and belong to the 40 percent of human beings who sense when something's not right (those who respond to their 'gut instinct'). Going back to our folktale, 'The Emperor's New Clothes', the empath is the boy who mentions the unmentionable: that the Emperor isn't wearing any clothes.
Back in the 1990s, researchers suggested that there was a positive relationship between empathy and emotional intelligence. Since then that term has been used interchangeably with emotional literacy. What this means in practice is that empaths have the ability to understand their own emotions, to listen to other people and empathize with their emotions, to express emotions productively and to handle their emotions in such a way as to improve their personal power. " (page 42)
"Disharmony creates an uncomfortable feeling in an empath and in a confrontation he will try to settle things quickly. People are often attracted to empaths because of their compassionate nature. Even complete strangers find it easy to talk to empaths about personal matters because in general they make great listeners. A particular attribute of empaths is that they are sensitive to the emotional distress of others. Conversely they have trouble comprehending a closed mind and lack of compassion in others. They can be highly expressive and inclined to talk openly about themselves, although they often find it hard to take a compliment. Very highly empathic people (sometimes super-empaths) may find themselves helping others at the expense of their own needs, which can lead them to withdraw from the outside world and becoming loners.
It's odd; most of us enjoy watching films and reading books about heroes who refuse to go along with the crowd, which suggests there is something admirable about people who make a bold stand, but in real life watching someone raise their head above the parapet often makes the rest of us feel queasy. Most - the 60 per cent plus majority - prefer the easy life and choose to maintain the status quo. What prevents many of us from acting on our consciences is fear; fear hems us in. It was interesting to discover, when doing this research for this book, how often people referred to empathic types as fearful, too sensitive and vulnerable. In other words, many see empaths in problematic terms. It is true that some psychologists consider super-empathy a personality disorder or difficulty in its own right, especially if an individual reaches a state where he is so moved by others'emotions that he is overwhelmed by the amount of empathy he feels. But our experience suggests that people of such extreme empathy are few and far between. At any rate most empaths thrive very well in spite of, or indeed because of, their easy ability to empathize." (page 43)
"Empaths use their ability to empathize to boost theirs and others' well-being and safety. Problems arise for empaths, however, whenever there are apaths in their vicinity. Empaths can be brought down, distressed and forced into the position of the lone fighter by the inaction of more apathetic types around them. " (page 44)
I included so much of the material on the definition of empaths because it is required to understand the model the authors use.
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