Hello , I am an ex Scientologist , this blog is primarily about that but I may address other topics as the mood hits me to . I was in Scientology for 25 years and spent about 10,000 hours using the indoctrination and thought reform method "study tech " . I also spent time on staff and met hundreds of Scientologists and did hundreds of the cult practices . Many were the "ethics cycles and OW writeups " that really are an attempt to suppress or remove a person's identity and replace it with a mental pseudo clone of Ron Hubbard . To make a fanatical slave for the cult .

I looked outside the cult for answers in about January 2014 and left the cult in about March of 2014 . While in about 99% of members have no idea of the truth .

We are told we are in a mental therapy or spiritual enhancement or religion or science for helping people unlock potential . Or any of several other fronts that all pretend kind and humanitarian goals .

The truth is Scientology is a terrorist mind control cult and this blog is my attempt to understand and expose that . And try to state as clearly as possible the tools that I have found helpful in dealing with this .

Sunday, February 8, 2015

The Sour Knight


The following ideas are going to be put out to demonstrate the state of mind an ex Scientologist may achieve after decades in the cult and realizing how truly depraved the institutional evil in in it ,  its alleged 'founder ' Ron Hubbard and current psychopathic cult leader David Miscavige is .

There is a type of character at TV Tropes called the knight in sour armor that is appropriate for a long time cultist who escapes , has lost all innocence and idealism and decides despite never being able to undo or cancel or make up for all the evil they may have done - and in some people's eyes being irrevocably damned - they will try to be a decent person for the time they have left .That can include facing responsibility for crimes and harmful  and traumatic actions taken both before and while in the cult and realizing thousands of things done and said were totally wrong and not justified by being in the cult .

I have some quotes on the character type from that site : The world is filled with idealists who believe in truth and justice and devote their lives to fighting for it. And then the world keeps letting them down. For them, Being Good Sucks. But rather than giving up on their goals, they replace their shiny armor with a full plate of pure cynicism. These characters realize they live in a dark, cruel and brutal world and choose to fight not because they believe they will truly make a difference, but because it's the right thing to do. :Tv Tropes .

. A Knight In Sour Armor believes in the rules and breaks them only when absolutely necessary, which is very rarely; not surprisingly, many have taken a Heroic Vow related to this behavior. Often has a personal set of rules, trimmed down to those that really matter in order to minimize conflicts and distractions. Contributes to the Knight's gruff tendencies, since politeness tends to appear a lot further down the priority list than feeding orphans and so on.
Generally, these characters fit one of two personality types. Members of the first type are former Wide Eyed Idealists who have come to accept that their world is on the low end of the Sliding Scale of Idealism Versus Cynicism, but who still find something beautiful in their former ideals that they want to hold on to. Those of the second type are born cynics, who would make natural Jerk Ass antiheroes, but who nevertheless have devoted themselves to a code of honor or fair play. In either case, these people tend to have gone through (often painful) Character Development in their past, meaning that they are normally older than the average hero. Either way, however, the effect is basically the same: you have a Knight in Shining Armor wearing Jade-Colored Glasses; the difference between the first and second types is which comes first.Tv Tropes .

This is similar to the Anti Nihilist :This is the sort of character that goes by doctrines along the lines of "Don't cling to pain. Don't expect happiness. Don't fear loss. Accept reality as it is. Enjoy the good. Endure the bad. Don't make a big deal out of anything. Be selfless, and unconditionally kind and just, without ever expecting a reward. We're all going to end up as piles of dust, so why not be nice to each other and get those pleasant fuzzies?"
Basically, an Anti-Nihilist that decides to be nice, heroic, caring, loving and/or compassionate for the same reasons the Straw Nihilist decides to be an unfettered Social Darwinist Omnicidal Maniac. Instead of angsting all the time about "Life is hell, we're all gonna die and you can't fight fate, thus we might as well start killing each other right now", this type thinks more like "Life is hell, we're all gonna die and you can't fight fate... but why not make each others' lives worthwhile and enjoyable in the meantime? The only thing that matters is letting people know that you care about them, because whatever someone is, has, or can do doesn't mean a damned thing in the end." The Anti-Nihilist is usually a Knight in Sour Armor who knows how cynical the world is, but decides to stick to a particular value and make meaning out of it, despite knowing how utterly meaningless, pointless and nonrewarding doing so is.Tv Tropes

Now having decided that despite life containing tremendous evil and spotting an immense amount in one's own past conduct an ex may decide to be an atoner :
"Long is the way, and hard, that out of Hell leads up to Light."
Once, they were a major villain. They did every crime one could think of, and did it with a song in their heart and a skip in their step. Then, something happened. The Atoner has realized the error of their ways, possibly wants to make amends, and have decided that they will do so via heroic deeds. Simply going to jail won't do, because this isn't always applicable to their "sin." Besides, they have all these amazing skills from being a villain that would be wasted, and they can do more good out there. The problem is, they often have to wrestle with going back to their old self, along with the massive guilt built up over years of carefree evil. Also, said previous villain skills usually involve killing people in very messy ways, which can result in karmically harmful situations. Other times their evil side won't go down without a fight, and manifests itself as a Superpowered Evil Side. Ultimately, it comes down to the fact that no amount of babies saved will make up for killing people in the past. The Atoner usually realizes that "Redemption is the path, not the destination" and continues for the rest of their life.Tv Tropes 

For some the evil may be enough that it cannot truly all be balanced out or  surpassed , this has some parallels in fiction to look at for comparison and reflection . I will briefly look at some here .First a character very well known in American comics , cartoons and movies : James Howlett aka Logan bka Wolverine of the X-Men .


For any who do not know Wolverine , in fiction , has a very dark and long past having been subjected to extreme mind control and made into a remorseless killer who murdered hundreds of people ( possibly thousands )  - many innocent  and realized this when his mind was freed to remember who he really was . The conclusion he reached is that nothing he does now can take away the past or make it up . He will simply try to be decent and help good people the rest of his life as he sees no better option .

The similarity to my experience with Scientology after having done harmful actions before joining the cult ( though no murders or criminally liable acts )  then being in for 25 years and then seeing it as a terrorist organization that has committed murders and other crimes under the veil of religious cloaking all hidden from almost all  members is remarkably similar to Wolverine's path . Both lead to reflection and reorientation but not redemption : the road is too long , the deficit too great to balance but the effort is still to be made . Anything else is a betrayal of the newly liberated and oriented conscience , whatever there may be of it .

Next is another who walks a violent and dark path filled with murder and betrayal - similar to the "products" Ron Hubbard and David Miscavige give Scientologists .

Storm Shadow :

Storm Shadow is a character in Gi Joe comics and cartoons and movies and has several versions of origins and eventual outcomes . In some he is a ninja framed for murder who ends up on a long path of violence and murder and seeks redemption for being framed and the innocent lives he takes along the way . He is interestingly enough , in some stories , convinced of the innocence of the "good guys "and joins their cause then later taken and subjected to repeated extensive long term brainwashing to make him a fanatically loyal slave to the ruthless bad guys by Doctor Mindbender of all people !

The similarity to Hubbard and hie methodology is striking and the fanatical murderous zeal as well .

Finally , I will bring up a lesser known but very relevant character Ninja Assassin :
geez , these ninjas sure mess up a lot  but that is what you get when you have a " give me a target and I will kill them with no mercy and not bother with any questions or doubts ever " approach to life and ethics .

 This film stars Rain as Raizo , and the plot goes predictably as  a young and talented assassin  is raised since a young age by a ninja clan . Then  he gets doubts and becomes disillusioned and rebels against them . He is able to kill his former cruel mentor , several rivals  and leave with a female ninja he grows to care for . He notably says the first day of his life is the day he is free and leaves the clan - leaving behind the murders he committed and the identity he had before .

Look , most Scientologists do not in fact commit murder for the cult . Most . I have known a murderer and many others know the odd one or two as well . We are usually never told the truth about this at all while in . I cannot stress that enough - it is hidden from us .

Now I am not an assassin with super martial arts skills and neither are any other Scientologists ( sorry) . Being a crazed cultist is more about covert mind control and long persisting hypnotic delusion than esoteric combat .But what the cult lacks in martial supremacy it more than makes up for in undue influence via double bind based hypnotic mind control utilizing confusion and repetition with classic rhetoric and sublime writing along with psychological manipulation and covert cognitive restructuring . And in numbers and wealth and legal and political influence .

It is no ninja clan but enthralls slaves into blind obedience and unreasoning slavish devotion - including millionaires who grease the legal and political wheels with immense donations . They are keeping a vital part of the con going . They are flanked by several thousand slaves filling the Sea Org paramilitary branch and Staff then finally several thousand more as public level members .

Unlike Ninjas in fiction  ex Scientologists cannot take on hordes of cultists in deadly combat to be redeemed . We cannot face David Miscavige in a showdown then walk away into the sunset . But we can have the courage to try to be decent and attain compassion and humility which Scientology lacks . And critical thinking to better understand ourselves and life and rhetoric in its fullest definition -which is any influence of human thought , emotion or behavior -and in particular the hypnotism , classic rhetoric , sublime writing ,  the manipulation of psychological defense mechanisms , trauma bonding , the fundamental attribution error  and cult indoctrination methods including the eight criteria of thought reform aka mind control and other methods in the totalist or undue influence models that describe Scientology and its effects on members .

We can have several obligations : to strive for decency despite losing the false claim of immortality as a reward and be good because we have a conscience and remorse . We can strive to be better , to think better , to understand and undo what happened to us and use those unique insights to help others become free and warn the public so future slaves are spared the horror of cult abuse and degradation .

And so similar "technologies" meet a world warned and wise to their tricks .
So whether irredeemable or not we can say damn damnation and strive on .

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