Turning Scientologese and Turning Back

One of the things that helped me get out of the Scientology trance was getting a new job. I had to communicate with people rapidly and understand their subtle and not so subtle intentions and thoughts.

I realized ALWAYS thinking in Scientology doctrine impaired my communication with others. I thought switching to English words would make rapid communication with others easier.

I didn't see it as rejecting Scientology. I thought it was like a person that knows French and Spanish moving from France to Spain and just thinking in Spanish.

I didn't realize how Scientology limits thought to Hubbard's doctrine and away from any disagreements with that reality ( meaning agreement in Scientology).

I started to be able to consider ideas I previously had automatically shut out for decades. I started to think thoughts that Scientology automatically labels wrong.

I realized after several months in thinking in English that there is more gradation to people and behavior than Scientology recognizes. And that being unsure is more accurate often than false certainty. And that a person regardless of their beliefs is ultimately responsible for their own choices. That's certainly outside Scientology.

It was like a seismic shift, but I didn't realize that it was changing my entire relationship with all the information I held. I shifted to seeing myself as responsible for my actions and not Hubbard.

It loosened everything. Without that cancellation of critical and independent thinking regarding Hubbard's authority my entire perspective started opening up.

I would get feelings, doubts and long buried thoughts that are forbidden in Scientology bubbling up to be in my conscious mind over the next few months. The automatic assumptions about Hubbard's infallibility and Scientology's transcendent nature would move from uninspected assumptions that framed all my thoughts and filtered all my perceptions to glaring contradictions to the evidence before my eyes.