An Inconvenient Truth

I don't know how Marty Rathbun sees himself. When someone told me that with everything I had been through in life before Scientology and then in Scientology and then in coming out of Scientology if my life was a movie they would be a supporting character it made me stop. I thought that isn't right.

I thought that person had a valid full life and being in Scientology or anything else doesn't give me any special status. I told them they deserve as much recognition as anybody.

I also said that with all the wrong ideas held and flat out evil acts done by me personally while in Scientology if I was in a hypothetical movie it would have to be as the villain. Or a villain protagonist.

You can't be a Nazi helping Hitler for twenty years then go "oops, my bad" and rewrite your past. People can debate redemption after the fact, but to me twenty plus years helping the bad guys doesn't a hero make.

The "I didn't know" only goes so far. I felt sick and disgusted when I came out and only then learned about the hole, forced abortions for young girls and women, the cadet org, the chain locker, the reality of the RPF and truth rundown brainwashing program, musical chairs, R2-45 and much more.

You can say I didn't have direct evidence or knowledge of those things but honestly I had red flags that mounted up to a red world years before the dam burst and denied the truth to hang onto whatever Scientology seemed to provide.

So ignorance is not a total excuse. Ignoring the suffering of others because it's easier to assume it doesn't exist is not total absolution. It's privilege. Maybe I can avoid criminal liability but that isn't the only measure of responsibility.

I have to accept that I was helping a criminal organization to hurt people, mentally enslave people and destroy families, among many, many other crimes and abuses. That's just reality. It can be denied but not changed.

When people act like something helps them from my efforts it's great to hear, but can't balance the ledger. What could ?

I certainly am glad whenever people get to recover from Scientology and escape Hubbard's influence. But don't expect to get to become a saint or hero or to "even" morally. It doesn't work that way. Not for me.

I have to accept being the person that did evil and harmful acts in the past and is trying to learn to do good and decent acts in the present and future. Both are there to face.

I recently saw an American veteran from Veterans For Peace get interviewed on Democracy Now. He said he realized at some point he had believed lies about why the US is in Iraq and Afghanistan and felt disgusted. He said he realized he killed people for no good reason. He described it as moral injury to be a soldier and discover you obediently killed people for immoral reasons and are just a murderer.

He was understandably upset. I have seen films from Japan like Jin Ro that discuss the moral implications of being allies to the Nazis. Some Japanese people are more disturbed by that then the defeat itself. Some are deeply ashamed of it.

I can't tell anyone else what feelings they should or shouldn't have.

But if someone knew about the crimes and abuses in Scientology for decades and even helped with those acts personally how can they see themselves as a hero ?