Enduring The Unendurable

At the end of World War II Japanese Emperor Hirohito used the phrase "enduring the unendurable and suffering what is unsufferable" to describe the sacrifice of honor the Japanese people had to face in surrendering to the Allies. Certainly not an easy idea to sell, but he had a very good argument to persuade his subjects. 
"Moreover, the enemy has begun to employ a new and most cruel bomb, the power of which to do damage is, indeed, incalculable, taking the toll of many innocent lives. Should we continue to fight, not only would it result in an ultimate collapse and obliteration of the Japanese nation, but also it would lead to the total extinction of human civilization." He gave both quotes in his first and only radio address of the Japanese people. They were in danger of extermination in his estimation unless they did something entirely unacceptable.

They surrendered and have lived on. Today they have a country likely to endure as long as the current balance of power persists. China would love to acquire Japan but the United States has devoted billions, perhaps trillions, of dollars in resources to preventing just that. Supercarriers with enough bombing capabilities to kill millions have been created expressly for that purpose. But the point isn't an in depth analysis of the minutiae of Japan's vulnerability as a sovereign state. Hirohito knew Japan couldn't win the war and millions more would die horribly if the war continued.

He had to make Japan face the perceived dishonor accompanying failure and surrender despite that act being considered entirely unacceptable.

Many Japanese reportedly were taught their destiny was to win and their superiority would be proven out by defeating their inferior opponents. Losing the war meant the whole basis of their justification for the war was exposed as a lie.  

This brings up an issue some Scientologists and ex Scientologists must face. In cognitive dissonance theory the
situation of having two contradictory pieces of information that are equally trusted but in direct conflict as being mutually exclusive is seen as creating mental discomfort. It is confusion, exasperation, anxiety, reelingness, mental blankness, and hesitation. It is very uncomfortable and people usually avoid dissonance as much as possible. 

Usually if they have no other way to resolve the dissonance a person will pick whichever choice is least threatening to their ego or supports their ego the most. So for the Japanese people the idea that they were superior and honorable and that demanded victory to show it as true . But they had to surrender, but had to somehow still have honor despite losing their claim of honor. Tough situation. 

I don't know how the Japanese people of the forties and fifties dealt with this. If they had a choice that somehow defended their individual egos I assume they chose that. 

When an individual Scientologist leaves or considers leaving Scientology they have often a terrible dilemma. They believe they are a good person. Most people want to be good. Many estimates from psychologists claim between ninety and ninety nine percent of people are good, or at least not naturally evil. Conservative estimates place about two to four percent of people as lacking conscience. That leaves ninety six to ninety eight percent of people as seeking to be good. 

So naturally a Scientologist sees themself as good and all the actions they do for Scientology as justified. Doubting Scientology and Hubbard and the authenticity of the technology bears a terrible burden: if Scientology is false and of no benefit and actually harmful then a person's entire identity can be flipped from good to harmful. A long term Scientologist who ruthlessly pursued Scientology and sacrificed their values to forward Scientology or join staff or the Sea Org routinely puts down other people and has entirely warped values with misplaced priorities.

Like the Japanese in world war 2 a Scientologist leaving or doubting when they get contradictory evidence follows the pattern usually of choosing the option that protects their ego. Often that means ignoring the information to protect your identity as an elite, good, Scientologist.

Sometimes, a person doesn't ignore the uncomfortable dissonance inspiring information and makes themself look closely at it and makes themself actually examine it. Scientologists after years of indoctrination have received thousands of suggestions for automatically counterarguing ( internally mentally brushing aside the information that contradicts Scientology ) and have hundreds of triggers set to activate counterarguing in the form of loaded language and thought stopping cliches. 

If the Scientologist overcomes the suggestions, loaded language and phrases set to trigger automatic responses and examines evidence against Scientology and doesn't automatically counterargue they have another enormous hurdle to overcome, especially if they were in the cult for many years. They can realize Scientology is a thought reform cult that abuses, harms and mentally enslaves people.

But facing that can carry the uncomfortable reality in one's own opinion ( whether it is true or not ) that a person has done far more evil than good. In fact they can get the impression that they have done so much harm, inflicted so much trauma, been cruel and narcissistic and abusive to such a great degree that it cannot be undone or made amends for. 

It could be seen as having lost honor or accepted having done irredeemable evil in some belief systems. A person, wanting to be good and feeling good is who they yearn to be can feel like they will try to learn how to be and strive toward being a decent person with their remaining life, despite being unable to overcome the immensity of the evil they have done. It is like having a ledger that measures good and evil in one's life and knowing no matter what you do going forward you will die with a deficit. If you live another fifty years and are an exemplary citizen and kind and caring it won't overcome having committed the evil you have done, overcoming it is an impossible task. 

That opinion, which I can neither confirm nor deny as proper for anyone else, is one a Scientologist can be willing to do anything to avoid. That can be staying in Scientology, or becoming an independent Scientologist or freezoner. Anything other than letting their guard and accepting the unacceptable. 

I really am the person I am. Any harm I have done or evil or trauma I have inflicted is real and not going to be justified by Scientology. In examining hypnotism and social psychology I have gotten the distinct impression that harmful mental, emotional and physical acts can have lasting impact through trauma throughout a person's entire life. That unfortunately is something inflicted on people all too often . I certainly have done so before and after entering the Scientology cult. 

There may be no way that wrongs can be righted, some burdens must be uncomfortably borne, some obligations unpaid. Honestly, with regret if unfulfilled. If that diminishes honor it is at least honest if unbearable. 

I accept regretting evil, even being seen as abhorrently irredeemable if that means being truthful and trying to strive for humility and decency with the life I have left, even if they are unattainable goals.