Honesty Without Compassion

   

 This was taken from an email to Jon Atack regarding the manifestations of trauma in Scientologists and ex Scientologists .

Jon , I just was listening to Doctor Daniel Shaw's presentation at the Trauma Conference held by the ICSA  on a You Tube video and realized something quite relevant to me .

It is entitled Trauma Conference 2 at

International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA)

He makes many points in describing his own cultic experience and subsequently has studied of cults . He found it seemed all cults are built so nearly identical that it prompted the question " Do these guys have a manual or plan they all follow ? " .

Now , in thinking of cults as abusive relationships it partially was answered for me as the abusers all rely on certain vulnerabilities to exploit .

BUT I was not getting the whole picture . Dr , Shaw covers many ideas - obviously I have not evaluated each one entirely for my own determination of their truthfulness- and a very important and I think accurate one popped out to me .

Regarding similarities between cultic involvement and the trauma it creates to that in incest he made a critical hypothesis - he found the essential similarity to be that both experiences involve the lack of empathy and even being blamed and not believed  when one reveals the experience .

I have studied the similarities between other forms of trauma and cults and found the one between incest and cult experience quite striking and relevant .

I have found that both create in my estimation certain behavioral and emotional phenomena and found unfortunately that for a victim of both the reality of the situation is not believed when revealed and denied -if not revealed- even when there is abundant evidence the situation is occurring .

This creates a feeling of being not valued and the construction of coping behaviors that include shutting down both trust and empathy to protect the victim in other relationships .

The victim has a double bind - they feel the lack of empathy by the abuser and then society in general is the source of the trauma in the initial abuse on the part of the abuser and then by the abuser and the society that ignores it and when presented with direct claims may still refute it and if accepting its occurrence may blame the victim and not acknowledge the trauma associated with the abuse and blame or stigmatize the victim - all behaviors that show a lack of empathy as the problem but the victim takes the same lack of empathy on as they learn that trusting others leaves them emotionally vulnerable and may take on a dissociated state to avoid the emotional effect of feeling betrayed as they can control that if they cannot stop the physical abuse .  This only leads to a worsening condition but it is a desperate attempt to escape or lessen the trauma of an utterly unbearable existence .

The double  bind is between the victim and their own feelings about others and their feelings about the same behaviors as manifested in others .  I believe a similar double bind may hamper narcissists as they revile humanity but use the attention of the people they see as having no value to prop themselves up - what value is there in fooling and controlling what you see as worthless and meaningless ? It is a never ending game of frustration and contradiction .

They both hate the abuser and others lack of empathy and take it on as a defense mechanism .

I think the solution to some degree is to face the reality of imperfection and that one is not above others but at best another person who is imperfect and in need of help and can learn from others . The foundation of compassion and humility perhaps . And to see the double bind as needing to be faced and ...somehow overcome .

I greatly appreciate and have benefited from your work exposing Hubbard's many contradictions and zeroing in on his use of hypnotism as a primary foundation of his con but I now think that the concept you have promoted of showing empathy for ALL cult victims is perhaps equally important .

I have found recovering empathy to be especially challenging and it also hampers overcoming narcissism but now I see that the attitude of seeing others as not having  empathy and thereby being inferior is actually a manifestation of the  lack of empathy the victim experienced both while in the cult and when leaving and being blamed , falsely labeled as stupid or especially gullible or insane .

And told things like they cannot have PTSD and they just need to get over it or stop - that actually makes the situation much worse . There is a condition that has been described called CPTSD  Quote :

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder* refers to those who have suffered prolonged, repeated trauma and abuse. This is often endured by those who have been in any totalistic, abusive, mind-manipulating group. Trauma is known to disrupt the chemistry in the brain.

A history of subjection to totalitarian control over a prolonged period (months to years) can result in CPTSD. Examples include hostages, prisoners of war, concentration-camp survivors, and survivors of some religious cults. Examples also include those subjected to totalitarian systems in sexual and domestic life, including survivors of domestic battering, childhood physical or sexual abuse, and organized sexual exploitation. From :http://www.exitsupportnetwork.com/recovery/cptsd.htm

I think your advice to seek to have empathy for exes is truly needed as I now see many who just practice J & D - at the expense of those still in the cult . It is a lashing out by the wounded at the other wounded .

It helps no one and degrades them both .  But the ex cultist can be so dissociated and deep in denial themselves - despite abandoning Hubbard and his doctrine entirely - that they continue to shut down their own empathy as habitual defense against trauma and future betrayals .

And by perpetuating the abuse via condemning cult members they in fact do what they hated while in the cult and can only deny it and then project the dissonance it produces back on the cult members causing the cycle to continue and grow .

Instead of the cult's lies and totalism the ex cult member now uses the "truth " but the truth without compassion is brutality - used like a hammer to smash what one hates .