As long as someone is alive there is a chance for change. I was in a cult, Scientology, for twenty five years and I have realized it is a cult, the ideas I was indoctrinated in are false, the leader and founder Ronald Hubbard was a narcissistic pathological liar who lacked empathy and compassion.
In fact he sought to covertly mentally enslave people through his knowledge of hypnosis, the occult and bits and pieces from psychology, propaganda and rhetoric.
The indoctrination in Scientology for members who spent hundreds of hours being indoctrinated, like I was, is considered extremely difficult to overcome and highly resistant to efforts at intervention from people who attempt to help a Scientologist.
But, nevertheless I left Scientology and worked very hard to understand what happened to me in Scientology and how to recover.
Even if it seems hopeless there is a chance your parents can realize or discover they are in a cult (if they are), so you can do the best you can with what you do have.
If they have shunned or disconnected from you and absolutely refuse any and all contact with you or anyone else outside the cult then you have a very tough problem in front of you.
Some cults actively encourage members to cut all ties with any people who are not in complete agreement with and submission to the cult. This may include actually getting the cult members to do anything to keep people away including lying to the police or filing charges if you attempt to contact them.
If this is the case know your limitations and no matter how much you may want to, do not do anything that will endanger yourself or get you arrested. It will just be used against you in the future.
If you cannot contact your parents and they have unequivocally disconnected from you you have one option available always.
You can educate yourself regarding cults and the relationships in cults. The information is important and if you have no way to successfully contact your parents then you can use your time instead to learn about cults in general and if possible about the cult that they are in. With very large cults like Scientology there is a lot of information available, but with many small cults only members and ex members know certain relevant details, because no one else has the information at all.
In either case I recommend getting a good understanding of cults in general and the related topics of persuasion, rhetoric, and abusive relationships, and human predators.
If you still have contact with your parents the answer is a bit different but still involves getting an education on cults.
Telling someone they are brainwashed, fooled, being stupid, making a bad decision, acting irrationally, or that they are in a cult ALMOST ALWAYS fails. That is the first principle regarding cults. It has been proven thousands of times. If someone is genuinely fooled by a cult and in a cultic relationship the relationship has a component that involves defending the cult and the decision to be involved.
The defense of a cult is so strong that most of the time any criticism of the cult or the cult member for being in the cult is a one way ticket to the cult member cutting ties with any critic of the cult. That rule has been proven over and over by thousands and thousands of people.
If you have a family member, partner, spouse, parent, child, co-worker, or friend who you want to be able to communicate with in the future and you think that they are in a cult the first thing that you should know is that criticism of their decision or the cult itself will destroy the relationship. It may only take one remark as cults get people to see the world as pure good, the cult, versus pure evil, anyone outside the cult especially any critics of the cult.
This sadly is true no matter how close you were to a cult member before they were recruited by the cult. So, your best friend, spouse, child that was extremely close to you before and may have listened to and valued anything you had to say may now be of an entirely different disposition regarding anything that criticizes the cult.
The cult erodes and devalues all other relationships. So, you have the job of not antagonizing the cult member but instead of letting them know you care and are there. You need to, if possible, let them know you are going to be there for them in the future regardless of what anyone else does.
You can be honest and tell them that whatever choice they make is theirs to make and that won't change your relationship. Don't come across as patronizing or condescending. It has to be as safe as possible to change their mind or they may never leave the cult because it would be a humiliating admission on their part if you have positioned being in the cult as stupid, crazy, a bad decision, etc.
So, if possible don't act like joining a cult is bad, stupid, crazy, etc. and don't act like you know better or are too smart.
The best thing you can do is to protect your relationship and give the person what Alexandra Stein in her book Terror, Love and Brainwashing calls an escape hatch relationship, one a cult member can SAFELY turn to, without fear of rejection, judgement, condemnation or humiliation or criticism.
The number one thing to do is to hang onto your best asset in this situation - the relationship you already have.
The next thing to do is to become educated regarding cults. There are numerous cult experts with good books, articles and YouTube videos available today.
Probably the two top experts whose work I turn to are Robert Jay Lifton and the late Margaret Singer. They both have studied cults and high control groups for decades.
Lifton has written many books. The heart of his work regarding cults involves the right criteria for thought reform and every serious student regarding cults should know them cold.
His latest book Losing Reality is very short and sums up decades of work.
Singer wrote Cults In Our Midst and it is definitely one of the best books ever written on cults in my opinion.
I highly recommend the YouTube videos of Singer answering questions regarding cults and the series of interviews Bill Moyers has done of Lifton regarding cults. They are all available online free.
The best first book regarding cults in my opinion is Freedom of Mind by Steve Hassan. It is written in a very accessible but thorough style.
It really can be hard to take on the subject and Hassan gives the information that you need and it doesn't require any other education to understand his book. It can be understood by just about anyone who has a high school education.
The top expert on Scientology is Jon Atack and I recommend all his articles and books for anyone dealing with the subject. It is simply the best way to get the best information available in my opinion.
I also can recommend two books for the relationships between cult members and the leaders. They both provide crucial insights that no one else does.
Traumatic Narcissism by Daniel Shaw and Terror, Love and Brainwashing by Alexandra Stein really dog into what makes a cult leader a cult leader and what the relationship between the leader and followers is like, they are indispensable in my opinion.
The best book to give a comprehensive look at the research regarding cults is Cults Inside Out by Rick Alan Ross. It is a beautiful book and covers all the bases. Additionally, it describes so much of the research and names works and authors so well, it can be the basis of an entire curriculum
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.